Deliver Pizzas to Jupiter Like a Boss in Pizzarian

Deliver Pizzas to Jupiter Like a Boss in Pizzarian

I love retro beats, old school games, pizza, and shmups, and Alex Jeddy’s Pizzarian has all of those things for me. Tasked with delivering pizzas to the moons of Jupiter, you have to get those piping hot pies to alien life forms on time. Like a Game Boy version of Crazy Taxi, though, you’d better put some style into that delivery if you want to make any kind of decent money in the process. Delivery drivers who can fly their pizzas in with some flash and style will make more money than those that take the boring, safe route, so get ready to mix aerial dogfights with excellent customer service.

Oh yeah, the bigger pizza companies don’t want you horning in on their business, so they’ve kind of sent other ships to try to kill you. Seems excessive, but what kind of space ship game doesn’t want you to fight huge enemy ships? The space combat looks sharp and quick, and if you’re having trouble, you can dump some of that delivery money into buying yourself better ships and weaponry to get yourself through. You’ll definitely need it given the risks you’ll be taking while flying around, as the game rewards close calls with more cash. You’ll be going out of your way to put yourself in danger while playing Pizzarian, as pulling of maneuvers like a deranged speedrunner is the way to go.

It looks like another fun, straightforward shmup in the vein of Shutshimi, and I’m already itching to finish up this article about the game so I can go play my copy. From the tunes I’ve heard in the trailers so far, though, I have one piece of advice for Alex Jeddy. Put that soundtrack up for sale too, buddy. I need me some exciting chiptunes to play at my regular boring job that doesn’t involve me delivering pizzas to outer space.

Pizzarian is available for $2.99 from the dev’s site.

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A horror-obsessed gamer, Joel is still spending his days looking for something to scare himself as much as Fatal Frame. Even so, he has ridiculous action games and obscure gems to keep him happy in the meantime. A self-proclaimed aficionado of terrible retro games, he's always looking for a rotten game he hasn't played yet, and may be willing to exchange information for candy.

Specialty: Horror