Robert sprang to life fully-formed twenty eight years ago in the depths of an unrecorded active volcano 100 miles off the coast of the Eastern United States. His first act of life was to ride a tsunami – which obliterated the volcano – with nothing but his bare feet and sheer force of will. On the way, he coaxed the tsunami into subsiding quietly right at the shoreline of the East Coast, causing no damage, and Robert decided the US was as good a place as any to live out his days.

It’s either that, or he was born a normal baby (as normal as he was going to get) in South Carolina during a flood. The details are a little hazy.

Throughout the years Robert has had a consistent love of traveling, reading, writing, comics, and video games. That explains a little of why he’s writing for Mash Those Buttons now. It doesn’t explain why he worked customer service for over 10 years, considering he kind of hated people after the first one.

Now he spends all of his time writing things down, lives in New Jersey with his lovely fiancee, Katie, and lives a sometimes normal existence.