Fridays in the Key of Geek: Funktrollers – Tapped Out

"I punch people in the face when the round is done."

We’ve seen geek raps with a lot of nerd star power before, courtesy of music videos by gamers like Jace Hall. But now a new challenger has entered the arena: the talented (and adorable) Laura Shigihara, an indie composer probably best known for her work as the creator of the Plants vs. Zombies soundtrack. Here, she’s put together a rap video about Magic: The Gathering, and brought some friends are along for the ride.

They may not be people you recognize on sight, but most have been involved with some well-liked indie games. There’s Andy Hull (Spelunky XBLA) assisting with the lyrics, George Fan (Plants vs. Zombies) filming and wielding axes, shirtless and sword-carrying Derek Yu (Spelunky and Aquaria, also runs TIGSource), Paul Hubens (Sword of Legends) with a tinfoil grill, and Tommy Refenes (Super Meat Boy) who’s flashing cash and provided the sweet rides in the video.

There used to be an embeded media player here, but it doesn't work anymore. We blame the Tumbeasts.

Laura, as awesome as she is, is also the quietest rapper in history, so here are the lyrics as well:

“Tapped Out”
Written by Laura Shigihara and Andy Hull

(verse 1)
Roll the dice, 20 sides, now we’ve just begun
I punch people in the face when the round is done
Am I equipped?
Obsidian battle axe
And you know I am a warrior so I come into play strapped

Pick you up and throw you ‘cross the room like my name was Brion
Cooler than your fridge and I don’t even need to use Freon
I’d be lyin’ like Ajani if I said you gonna win
Keep tappin and untappin your faerie and Splinter Twin

So you’re iced to the brim? Well I got dice in my Tims.
And I be kickin’ it with Nicol, so don’t even trip
The game ain’t over yet so don’t get up and leave
I got a few more tricks and a Jace up my sleeve

Tapped out!
When the mana runs dry
My creatures in the red zone gonna take away your life
Tapped out!
Put you out to pasture
You don’t stand a chance against the deck masters

(verse 2)
I foil out my deck so you can’t see
the spells you need to read to defeat me
Is it cheap?
Well lemme show you the fee
I spent more on my deck than my new Audi

I rip cards off the top like a Level 8 Pro
I’m so ice-cold blooded all my permanents snow
You’d think I was a Wizard from the Coast since I got more mana than 4 Cloud Posts
You wanna boast?
Well that wouldn’t be wise, I guess you didn’t see what I did to that Finkel guy

I’m like Chameleon Colossus, I double in power
Destroying all your lands in a Stone Rain shower
And yo, I wish you well but it’s all too clear that you just can’t spell

(chorus repeat)

It’s been a few years since I’ve played Magic, but there are some great card references stuck in there to go along with the general silliness of the video. Well done, Laura.

Robert Hill-Williams
Robert Hill-Williams
Robert Hill-Williams

MASH Veteran

The only things Rob has been doing longer than gaming are breathing, sleeping, eating, and reading. RPGs were what made him view games as an experience instead of a distraction, but these days he likes and plays every genre gaming has to offer. Outside of his usual reviews and articles on MTB, you can find Rob on the weekly Mashcast and frequenting Twitter.

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